When I went to see an expert about the concerns I had about my husband's memory, the Doctor was very dismissive. I came away from the appointment feeling like I was being a fussy wife and I was saying this because my husband wasn’t paying me enough attention.
During the appointment my husband acted so normal that the doctor believed his social façade. I felt like I was being a hysterical wife.
When the CT test came back there were signs of atrophy and he got a dementia diagnosis and was put on medication to slow down the progression of the disease.
You may be considering what is the best way to help your GP understand the difficulties you are facing. Here are some top tips to help you to prepare what you want to say to get a GP referral to the Memory Assessment Service (which as I write has a waiting list of 6 months).
1. Keep a Log Before the Appointment
Document specific changes in memory, thinking, or behaviour. For example:
Forgetting familiar names or places.
Repeating questions or stories.
Getting lost in familiar places.
Difficulty managing daily tasks, like finances or cooking.
Note the Frequency: Mention how often the symptoms occur (e.g., daily, weekly).
Length of Time: if this is relatively recent the Dr will want to rule out other reasons for confusion
Highlight Impact: Focus on how these changes are affecting daily life, relationships, or safety.
2. Send an email or drop a note of all your concerns to the practice before your appointment
This works well for two reasons: the GP will be prepared for the conversation and also if you find it difficult to explicitly say the 'D Word' in front of your partner, the Doctor will have a better understanding of the context before you walk into the room without making an already volatile situation harder.
3. Focus on Key Symptoms
Use clear, specific examples:
“They’ve started forgetting names of close family members, which never used to happen.”
“They recently got confused about how to get home from the store.”
“They can’t manage simple tasks like paying bills anymore.”
4. Bring a Family Member or Friend
If possible, have someone accompany you who can provide their perspective.
They may notice changes the person experiencing symptoms doesn’t recognise and makes it less personal .
5. Use the Words "Concerned About Dementia"
Be direct. Say something like:
“I’m concerned about signs of dementia.”
“Could we do an assessment or referral to rule out dementia?”
6. Ask for Specific Next Steps
Mention tests or referrals:
“Can we do a memory assessment or refer to a memory clinic?”
“Can we rule out any other causes, like vitamin deficiencies or thyroid issues?”
7. Stay Focused
Avoid discussing unrelated issues to maximise time.
Stick to the most concerning and recent examples.
If you do get any push back be prepared to ask them to explain why they think this is normal or what else do they think it could be?
8. If Needed, Follow Up
If the GP dismisses your concerns, don’t hesitate to book a follow-up appointment or seek a second opinion.
If you have any more hints or tips to add to this list, get in touch with The Good Company People on hello@thegoodcompanypeople.org
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